Life in Between
“So, this friend of yours, no offense, but he sounds kind of weird.”
“Yeah, I can see why you’d think that, but this is a subject that’s kind of hard to explain.”
“Well, the bartender just set a full glass in front of me so why don’t you give it a shot?”
“Okay, here goes. It had been almost a month and Adam was still having trouble with it. There’s no handbook for dead people. His obituary said that he’d “passed away” and at his memorial service people said, “He’s in a better place”. He even heard a woman say, “He’s gone to be with his Lord and Savior”. Clearly, she didn’t know that Adam is, or was, an atheist. And now he was a dead atheist. At least that’s what he thought.”
“What do you mean, was he dead or just crazy?”
“Well, let me back up a little. The whole rigmarole around death seems to begin as soon as you’re born. You know, be good. Be honest. Follow the rules so you can get into Heaven. Adam had always considered himself to be a good and honest person, but he lived that way because it was the right thing to do, not because he wanted to sprout angel wings and sit on a fluffy, white cloud all day. He couldn’t explain what was happening and he was more than a little scared. He realized that he was a ghost.”
“Interesting. And he explained all this to you?”
“Yeah. The whole thing dawned on him just minutes after the accident. He was standing on the side of Harbor Road, in the dark, looking at the wreckage of his car and his body slumped over the steering wheel. He said it was like being frozen in time. He didn’t want to believe what he was seeing but he couldn’t think of any other way to explain it. The man in the car, Adam, was dead and the man standing by the road, also Adam, was up and walking around. He said he stood there and watched the police and rescue crew taking him out of the car and laying him on a gurney. He heard one of the cops say, “We’re too late.” and his partner reply, “It looks like he must have died on impact.” Adam said he felt numb. He stood and watched them attach a tow hook to his car and put him into the back of an ambulance. In a matter of minutes it was over. Adam was over.”
“So how did he tell you all this? You know how strange you’re sounding don’t you?” A dead guy talking to you and you just taking it all in?”
Ýeah, I know that. I’m still trying to process it all. I can’t tell this to anyone who might have known Adam and I appreciate you letting me ramble on about it. Go ahead and get started on your beer. It’s kind of funny because I only know you from seeing you here at the bar so many times. I just needed to tell someone and I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to bail on me.”
“No, it’s okay. I still have a full glass so go ahead and ramble a little longer.”
“Okay, thanks. So Adam said his life had ended at thirty-four, or that’s what he thought when the ambulance lights went over the hill and out of sight. But he said he wondered, if that was true, why in the hell was he still walking around totally aware of his situation? He said the word “ghost” had popped into his head immediately and now, almost a month later, he said it still doesn’t seem real. Even after seeing his wife grieving and his friends and family in shock, his death, or whatever it could be called, seemed to him like it didn’t really happen.”
“How do you know it did? It sounds like your friend is just making up all this shit to mess with you?. I mean, do you actually believe him?”
“Okay, I know how this all sounds. You haven’t touched your beer. You’ve been rolling your eyes and smirking since I started. Believe me, I thought the same thing when he first told it to me. Ghosts are for Halloween and scary movies, not real life.”
“So why didn’t you just tell him to knock it off?”
“Well, here it is. This is why I believe him. I ran into him at an ATM about a week after the accident…after he died. He looked totally normal, nothing different at all. But when he saw me the look on his face was, well, he looked terrified. Hell, I was terrified too. He turned and started walking away and I yelled, “Hey, man, what’s going on?” He stopped and turned back around and he looked like he was going to cry.”
“And you probably looked like you’d seen a ghost. Oh, sorry, that was out of line. Keep going.”
“Okay, this might take a while. So there we were, staring at each other in a parking lot. I finally said to him, “Adam, what the hell? What’s going on?” He still looked like he was ready to cry. He said, “Oh shit, I knew this would happen eventually.”
“So, you’re not dead.”
“Well, I’m not alive either, not exactly. But I don’t think I’m dead either. I’m more like somewhere in between.”
“I was like ready to wet my pants when he said that. I said, “I saw your obituary when I got back from my trip. It was like a punch in the gut. It said you were killed in a car accident. What was that all about?”
“He said to me, “Look, Jack, I’ve been trying to stay out of sight until I can figure this all out. I’m trying to be invisible from Katie and the kids, from my parents, from everyone. Even you.”
“And yet, here we are, face to face and I’m freaking out. What am I supposed to do now, pretend I didn’t see you?”
“Actually, I’d appreciate it if you did exactly that.”
“And then he just walked away. Can you imagine that? I was talking to a dead guy who wanted me to pretend it never happened.”
“Yeah, but he told you he wasn’t dead. I mean, like I said before, you can’t really believe his line of shit, can you?”
“Well, I saw him and I talked to him. But I also saw his obituary. There was a funeral. Which story would you believe?”
“I see what you mean. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.”
“Right. So that day that I saw him I went home and Googled everything I could about dying and the afterlife. There’s a lot of crazy stuff out there. It’s like people believe anything that fits their predetermined ideas.”
“Did you find anything that fit what happened to you?”
“No, not really, but here’s where things sort of come together. Sort of. I was having a drink and watching the TV news when my doorbell rang. It was Adam and he still had that panicked look on his face. He said, “Jack, I need to tell you some things.” so I let him in. We sat there and all I could think to say was, “Okay, no more ducking and dodging. I want the truth.” It took him a while but he finally started unloading things.”
“He said, Okay, first I want to say that I feel bad about getting you involved in this. I guess you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. You’re my friend and I never planned to involve you in my situation.”
“So that’s what this is, a situation?”
“Well, yes, and it’s my new reality. I’m in some kind of place that doesn’t fit anywhere. If anyone sees me, like you did, they’ll scream and cry and be pissed off and think I was faking my death, and I wouldn’t blame them.”
“Wouldn’t they get over it eventually and let everything go back to normal?”
“Jack, that’s the hard part, the part that’s tearing me up inside. I’ve already learned some hard lessons about what happens when you die.”
“Such as?”
“Well, I don’t know what to call it. I’m not dead but I’m deadish. I’m sort of dead. I’m walking and talking like before the accident but that’s all. I’m not doing anything else that I used to do. I don’t need to eat or drink so I don’t. I don’t need to sleep or shower so I don’t. Hell, I don’t even need to use a bathroom. Think about that, Jack, I haven’t taken a leak in a month.”
“Where have you been living…I mean staying?”
“When I first realized my situation the night of the accident I found an ATM and took out a bunch of cash. I went to that cheap motel on Eighth and Warner and just laid on the bed staring at the ceiling. That’s been my life. I’ve only left the room at night when no one would recognize me. I was at the ATM to get more cash when you saw me. The damn thing wouldn’t let me withdraw anything so after tonight I’ll be homeless so to speak.” When he said that I got a chill down my back.”
“So I’m guessing he was hinting around for a place to stay, your place”
“Yeah, and I couldn’t say no.”
“And now you have a, well to use your word, a ghost for a roommate.”
“It looks like that but I have to do something. I like living alone.”
“Well, good luck with your problem. I gotta go.”
“Geez, you didn’t touch your beer.”
“Yeah, well, that’s life.”