I met Big Ben one chilly evening as the sun was setting over Lake Erie, some 12 miles east of Cleveland. I was wheeling out the garbage for the next day’s pickup when he said, “Did you see that fight earlier up the street?”
“No I didn’t but I saw the motorbike fallen over on the ground”
I lived across the street from the Lake in a neighborhood that used to be summer cottages a century ago and now were just older modest homes.
“Hi, my name is Benmont, but my friends call me Big Ben, I live down the street.”
“Hello, my name is Mike.”
Big Ben was sitting on his shiny red electric scooter while his black Lab Molly was running around him in circles.
“My results came in yesterday for my sugar test, and my foot has to be amputated.”
He was a large man, 6’7 a former tow truck driver now long since retired. He was wearing shorts, and his calves were wrapped in tight worn yellowed ace bandages.
“I get all my exercise on this scooter with my black Lab Molly driving around the neighborhood.”
“Man, you’re one big dude big Ben.”
“Yep, they call me Big Ben. I’m big I guess because I just love hamburgers, any kind, I’m not picky, I’ll eat ‘em any day or night. I sure do, plain, cheeseburgers, flame broiled, hot or cold. It don’t matter. Hey Mike, how long have you lived in the neighborhood?”
“Almost a year or so.” As I lifted my collar over my neck and blew on my hands to keep them warm.
Big Ben proudly stated, “I’ve lived in this neighborhood for over forty years. I was taking my early evening stroll on my scooter when these two little yippy yappers, Yorkies or Shiatzu’s, I don’t know what they were, started barking at this young, tattooed guy who was on a tricked-out motorbike. He was just ahead of me riding his motor bike walking his Pitbull on a leash when this crazy guy runs out of his house and starts to attack him.”
Big Ben’s dog Molly was running up and down the street as he started telling me his story, when Molly proceeded to to relieve herself in my yard.
“God damn it, now I gotta clean up her shit!” Ben got up slowly from his bright red scooter.
“I can’t even bend down to tie my damn tennis shoes.”
His ankles were so swollen from Edema, that his legs went from thigh to foot with no discernible contour deviation. He had plenty of plastic bags in the scooter compartment and his janitorial duty was obviously not a one off.
“As I was saying, those 2 little yippy yappers, Yorkies or Shiatzus, I don’t know what they were, started barking and barking when this drunk guy screams, “Man you shouldn’t walk your dog if you’re gonna ride that damn motorbike! He then proceeded to take a swing at the tattooed guy. He missed soundly and fell onto the motorbike as they both tumbled on the ground. Boy, he’s lucky that Pitbull didn’t come after him.”
“No kidding” I said, craning my neck to see where Molly had run off to.
“At that moment his drunk wife Jinny, and I’ll tell you why I know her name is Jinny, came out screaming like a banshee, telling him she was going to call the cops on him with his damn motorbike and Pitbull while her two nippee yippee yapper’s, I don’t know what they were, barked a holy hell to wake up the dead. That’s when I yelled, Stop it, Stop it! All of you, knock it off.”
I interjected, “People and their dogs. It sounds like the dogs were more well behaved than the people.”
Ben said “I’ll say, I knew who that Jinny woman was I tell you. She used to be married to my neighbor across the street, Dick. He was a steel worker, and he’d go to work early in the morning while his wife Jinny would have her girlfriend come over and the two of them would spend the whole day drinking, she’s a drunk too. Dick was a hardworking man, a real provider, he had had enough and divorced that broad years ago. Now she’s with that other loser guy, another drunk.”
“So, he’s the guy that attacked the tattooed guy and his Pitbull?”
“Yep, he’s lucky that that Pitbull didn’t go after him. It’s like history repeating itself…again. and again” Ben repeated.
“History repeating again? Whad’ya mean?” I said, questioning the redundancy, looking around to see if Molly was relieving herself again in another type of redundant pattern.
“This time though it didn’t involve a dog. Well at least not two dogs.” Big Ben said with a nostalgic look in his eyes. “I remember it was in the early 1960’s, My aunt and uncle Mo and Jo lived in the cottage I currently live in. I bought their house, a cottage really, from the county for back taxes in 1980 for $6,000. The house was 30 feet from falling into Lake Erie and I was able to secure the structure and breakwall adding more earth, pushing it out to the current 150 ft that it is now.”
My feet were getting a bit cold myself and I was fidgeting, obviously getting impatient with Big Ben’s details of how he came to own his house. I was walking towards my front door.
“Are you sure you’re not cold Mike? Do you want to go get a hat, coat and gloves?”
“No, I’m fine. I’m not too cold.”
“Molly come here girl.” Ben said, as I could see his steamy breadth.
“Ben it was nice meeting you…” I said as I turned my back and reached for the door with my bluing hand.
“Molly damn it! Get back here…Well anyway, there was a man, Adelbert Adair, who lived across the street from my place. In the same house Dick now lives in, across the street from the Lake. Now I knew Adelbert when I was a young boy myself. He always was a dapper dresser and had those brown and white two-toned shoes they called saddle shoes and he always, always wore a fedora. Now Adelbert or Del, as my aunt and uncle Mo and Jo called him, liked him well enough and they were all just kindly neighbors, they all pretty much stayed to themselves, exchanging pleasantries.”
“What did he do for a living?” I asked, as the wind started to pick up.
“Molly get the hell over here!” Ben whistled hrrrrrttt!
“No one knew, but the rumor was that he had inherited some money. His “cousin” would visit him from time to time; I don’t recall her name though. My aunt and uncle, Mo and Jo had a dog, one of those Irish Setters, with a beautiful rusty red coat, his name was Winston. He was a bit of a hyper kind of a dog, and an uppity kind of breed and Del didn’t care for him too much as Winston would dig in his yard and leave little calling cards that were not appreciated by those saddle shoes. Anyway, it was a cold, cold late February day when Mo or Jo, I don’t remember which one, was walking Winston in the front, while the northern wind whipped off the Lake. The street was icy when out of nowhere Del came running out without his trademark Fedora, screaming about their dog Winston. He tried to take a swing at my uncle Mo and Adelbert fell right on his ass in the snow. Then his girl “cousin” came out screaming and then Jo was screaming, and Winston was all excited running around in circles.”
“People and their dogs”, I was thinking though a warm canine might not be such a bad idea for how cold I was getting.
“Damn it, Molly! get over here!”
“Wow that’s quite a story” I finally said, it was nice to have met Big Ben and all, but I needed to get inside to warm up.
“That’s not all of it.”
“All of it? What do you mean? I again reached for the front doorknob.
“Just when all of them were all worked up in a frosty slather, a Moose. That’s right, I said a Moose, you know the 12 ft tall horse like deer with those big paddle antlers walked right down the down the middle of the street, right in front of all of them. They were all dumbfounded. The Lake, Lake Erie had been frozen and that Moose had walked all the way across from Ontario, Canada. The Moose wasn’t fazed by any of them, Winston included. They all stared in amazement sitting on the ground in the snow and ice, slowly they all stood up and went back inside their own homes silent and warmed up without saying another word to one another.”
“Wow, what happened to the Moose?” I asked.
“No one ever saw it again. They’re lucky the Moose didn’t attack them. C’mon Molly let’s go home.”
“Nice meeting you Ben. Good Luck with your surgery” as I reached for and turned the chilly doorknob.
I was dumbfounded myself and as I went inside to warm up my own numbed hands and feet when I heard Ben shout “Damn it Molly c’mon let’s go, I’m hungry let’s go get a hamburger.”